Feeling so torn

December 17, 2012 in Best of Both, Emotions by MyBestofBothWorlds

God Bless all the victims

I’m feeling so torn these past few days and weeks.  Christmas carols on the radio, finishing up our chocolate making, my oldest daughter returning from college, a winter orchestra concert to watch my younger daughter perform, Latakas with Santa Claus at our dear friend’s house – all happy seasonal events we look forward to each year.  Even before the horrid news of Friday’s massacre that occurred in Newtown, CT, I was  feeling torn about being able to celebrate when others are displaced from their homes still trying to recover from Hurricane Sandy, while a colleague of mine unexpectantly lost her sixteen year old son to unknown causes and then to hear about this inexplicable tragedy is almost just too much to bear.

The cold-blooded nature and senseless brutality of the event brings tears to my eyes as sit here on my couch and type this.  I find myself feeling so torn as I am beyond grateful to have spent a wonderful weekend with my family all together again, with our dear friends enjoying ourselves.  Truth be told, part of me feels guilty about celebrating, while another part says to be grateful, count my blessings and enjoy the moments.

While at church today, of course my thoughts and prayers were with the victims and their families, but even later in the day as I watched children leap up with glee at being called by Santa to receive their present my thoughts were with them as well.  I thought about the Moms and Dads who will have no Christmas this year or maybe any year to come.

With my upbringing as a Catholic, I do firmly believe that these innocent children and their heroic teachers are all up in heaven.  Even so, there is still so much pain to bear here on Earth.

God help us all.